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DAY 1: GREY X

publications DISCLAIMER: THIS ISN'T YOUR AVERAGE NEW YEAR RESOLUTION. 

Darkness. 

Cheers.

Fireworks. 

As the fireworks are being released, I get this foreboding: this negative feeling, a result of years of unrealized potential. Not that anyone would care (and frankly not like I care that anyone doesn't), but I attach a lot of importance to dates and the 1st day of a year looks like an opportunity to draw up a concise plan to achieve new beginnings. The problem here however is that I've always had this awareness for the better part of my conscious life but always end up going back to the drawing board at the start of every year. With the danger of sounding like a broken record though, this has to be my watershed moment...not like I have any choice. 

Darkness. 

My name is Grey X and I'm still trying to figure myself out. Despite all the pastors and motivational speakers quips, charges and sermons I have heard over the years about how I'm in the world for a special purpose, I'm still trying to find my feet here. Being born into this world of sin is a burden. Whatever way I arrived at this conclusion and no matter your few points of argument against the opposite, it's a true assertion. I didn't have a say in my birth (LOL! and trust me, I'm still angry) but I'm sure it was met by the fanfare and happiness that comes with the arrival of a babe. I was born ordinary. I wasn't born rich or poor. not a king nor a slave. not a Llord of the Manor nor a serf. and in case you are wondering, I'm also not related to Malcolm Little. just ordinary. in fact in the words of Justin Irabor, "I was born so ordinary, my ordinariness is extraordinary". 

Enter my mind, the greatest magician in the world. 

My mind grew on this idea that I have a different mind (confusing something eh?). Forunately for me, it wasn't a God complex kind of conundrum. It was more of like a Will Graham from the type of mind in that it "makes jumps I can't explain". It's a curse and a blessing but that's a topic for another day. I haven't coined a word for my special mind but when I do, I'll let you know. 

Needless to say, I started feeling extraordinary. I became a Maverick of some sorts. I became extremely socially awkward although I'm still the life of the party when I should be. 

Figuratively speaking, of course. If you kill me, the party might actually become more turnt.  

I became one less and less for talks. In this regard, writing was my escape. Over the years, I would prefer to put down my musings instead of vocally airing them. My mates would also tell me about how I sound so different with a quill when compared to my voice. "you always sound different", they say. 

You probably came here to read about my plans for 2015 and here I'm giving you a sketchy story of myself. I also don't know why I'm telling you but I guess it's to give you an insight into what I hope the New Year would be, given the odds. 

"and at once, I knew I was not magnificent..."

On June 7th, 2015, I should graduate from the University and start looking forward to planning my life. Let me break it down into few segments at this point. 

God

It seems kind of strange that someone with a mind like mine totally believes in the concept of a supernatural being up in the sky controlling and utterly deciding the fate of the world. However, you can't totally tame a wild animal and after some events in the past year, I have questioned my faith in God which has made me falter in my walk with him. 

I'll have a go at it again. I totally want to find God on my own terms without the stereotypical believes. I hope God sees my heart in this regard and gives me the grace to find him. 

Life

I want to be a better person in 2015. It's that simple. Just a better person. Graduating from the University means being thrust into the pool of human beings that traverse the face of the earth in the pursuit of happiness. It means meeting new people and getting to acclamatize to unfamiliar behaviors, conditions, people and places. In the face of these, it's imperative to strive to be the best person I can be to myself and the world. Talking about myself, I would love to forgive myself and stop feeling guilty of my misdeeds. I want to eliminate procrastination and the evils that come with it. I want to seize everyday in 2015 by the scruff of the neck. I want to love myself again. It only gets better with after this. 

Relationships

If I was to use my list of relationships with both the male and female gender as an index for a measure of my life's worth, I'll be poor. Never been one for a lot of friendships but I guess the number can be improved on this year. Relationships births connections and connections get you far in life. To a great extent, I'm satisfied with my relationships with my gender. 

The opposite gender however...

I remained single whether consciously or otherwise throughout 2014 and it was really a successful period of finding myself and giving a definition to what 'love' really is (you all should do this often). Maybe I might be ready to enter that market again...

One of the things I learnt in 2014 are the qualities that would make me fall in love with a member of the opposite sex. It isn't about being honest, God-fearing or any of those specs most people talk about when asked about this. It is special and only I can tell when I see it. Everyone needs someone. Everyone deserves to be loved.

Family 

There's a quote that says "family is not an important thing. It is everything." 

Now to my family - both my blood and my friends that have become one, I promise not to disappoint you in 2015. I got your back and I know you got mine. Now let us make this year a memorable one. 

This is all I have left in me. 

Let the fireworks continue. 

Once again, Happy New Year guys. I got love for everybody. 

Grey X.